I used to think I was a genius.
Looking back on it now, it’s so embarrassing that I’d go mad from embarrassment, but I really thought I was a genius.
I had enough talent to confuse me into thinking that. From when I was young, I never had trouble learning new things, and I got better at things faster than everyone else.
But it was only easy up to the beginning. Even if I started out faster than everyone else, my progress eventually became laid back like everyone else’s.
I didn’t think much of it at first.
This can happen.
I’m slowly getting better.
I can do it.
Because I’m a genius.
And in the end I discovered the truth I never wanted to find out.
I am not a genius.
The event that broke my laughable delusion was a meeting with a real ‘genius’ that I couldn’t even compare to.
A frog in the well who confused himself for a genius. In the time I was basking in my imaginary superiority, the true genius was already soaring the skies.
I hate geniuses.
Seeing them act as if other people can also easily do the things they do makes me want to kill them. Whether it be sincere, or simply trying to show off by mocking those under them.
Whatever it is, it leaves me with a fucking shitty mood whenever I hear it.
‘Are you jealous?’
Jealous? You fucker. You talked like a dick so I acted like a dick back. Why the fuck are you bringing up jealously?
‘I didn’t think you would think of it that way. I just… thought your situation was unfortunate.
Unfortunate? What is?
‘If you just tried a bit harder…’
What the hell do you know about trying harder?
‘You could be a lot better than you are now.’
Hey, I’m already doing really well. Your standards are just insanely high. How can every person be like you? You’re a genius so don’t think that other people can be like you.
You got it?
I can’t be like you.
I squeezed out the remainder of my voice. A hole in my chest. It seemed like they were pouring the elixir and casting magic, but it was a futile task.
She’s crying. I didn’t think that bitch would ever make a face like that. Normally, she would make those teasing faces and provoke me every day, but I guess she did like me.
“That’s why… that’s why I said so. I told you to go back. Why’d you follow us and…”
“Senia. Just put that back.”
My voice wasn’t working properly. It was because of the blood that had risen up through my throat.
“Elixir. We don’t have much of that precious stuff. Don’t waste it here.”
“It’s fine. I know my body the best. I can’t live. I’ll soon die.”
I will die.
I came to terms with that even before the hole in my chest. My body was already broken before that. Go back, Wait here. I ignored these worries and followed them here.
“…I could have dodged it.”
A solemn voice. Son of a bitch. He’s an asshole till the end.
“You didn’t need to do this.”
“I told you to fuck off”
Why the fuck do you keep bothering me when it’s getting hard to squeeze out my voice.
“You probably knew it too.”
He made a face as if he couldn’t understand. I get it. Even if it looked like death to other people, it probably wasn’t all that scary for you.
Do you think I didn’t know? Of course, I did. I’ve been to many places with you. I know how crazy of a monster you are, much more than the people who gossip about your strength.
“…You didn’t need to die this way.”
Then how else should I have died? You know it as well. It was a miracle that I was able to make it here. If you weren’t here, I would have never reached this point.
“…This is close enough to an honorable death.”
It’s hard to squeeze out my voice, but I want to say this before I die.
“It was obvious I’d be nothing more than a burden, and I didn’t want to go back.”
I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a crippled body.
“Since you’re so fucking good, I probably didn’t need to take the hit.”
I threw my body at it even though I knew. The body that didn’t listen to me worked properly at that moment. Because of that, I pushed that infuriating bastard out of the way, and a huge hole was made in my chest.
“…I’m getting tired. Leave me alone.”
It’s getting harder to make any sound. I hear my voice from afar, and the sound of crying even further away. My fingers won’t budge, and my body is heavy. My vision stains black.
At the very end.
I heard the bastard’s voice. If you were going to say that, you should’ve said it sooner. But it does feel nice. I’ve never heard you say thank you to me before.
What the fuck?